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Fist F����ck Yourself 2015 was the fifth Fist F����ck Yourself event, taking place on February 22, 2015. The event was highlighted by "Macho Man" Randy Savage defending the World Heavyweight Championship against five opponents in an Elimination Chamber match, Charles Barkley and The Rock teaming up to take on Brock Lesnar and Vigo the Carpathian in a Tornado Tag match, and the highly-anticipated Return of the Phenom. __TOC__ Background The odds were not in favor of The Rock at Laugh Like Pee-wee. With $100,000 on his head, it was almost guaranteed that the Great One would not be the last man standing in the 30-man bout. But with a little luck, The Rock managed to get his hands on the final entry number and sent William Regal, Big Show, Reverend Drew, and Ricardo Diaz over the top rope to claim a main event title opportunity for Diaz's Fuck Fest XI. Also at the event, "Macho Man" Randy Savage captured his first World Heavyweight Championship with indirect assistance from Ben Unhinged. Following a scuffle with Savage that kept Ben out of competing against the Wiley Family, tensions have been high between the two. It's been said that Macho Man has been laying low as of late, but the new champion will have to face the music come Fist Fuck Yourself. It's here that he will be locked inside the dreaded Elimination Chamber with Ben Unhinged and four other challengers. Sheamus, no doubt, would like nothing more than to get his hands back on his proverbial pot of gold, while also getting even with Ben. Similarly, Dynamite Derek and J-Pac both have their eyes on the prize while also having unfinished business with the Brogue Brute. Though these two have been partners in the past, they've also been rivals. Given it's every man for himself in the Chamber, they may have to renew that rivalry if they hope to walk away with a victory. The final man eliminated from the Laugh Like Pee-wee match, Ricardo Diaz, would certainly like nothing more than to capture the championship and find himself in the main event of his titular show. While one half of the grand finale of the 11th Fest has already been determined, this match will serve to complete the equation. Who's going to Diaz's Fuck Fest XI as the World Heavyweight Champion? After months of absence, rumors sprung up that one of SvR06's most dominant competitors would return to the ring. In the following weeks, it was confirmed that The Phenom would rise once more and make his presence known at Fist F����ck Yourself. The question is, what business does he have to attend to? Will this concern his inevitable return match at the eleventh edition of the Fest? One can only speculate. Undoubtedly, the Return of the Phenom will make for a can't miss moment on an already unmissable night. Commissioner Barkley surprised everyone when he returned from his mandatory vacation by entering the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Undoubtedly, nobody was more shocked to see him than Triple H. In Barkley's absence, his stepfather has reshaped the company in a manner that many strongly oppose. When Barkley returned, he did so to put his foot down and regain control of everything that Triple H has taken from him over the course of the past year. The Game has become progressively frustrated with his son, pointing out that the company has been in far better financial shape since he has begun working in the offices. He did, however, acquiesce and acknowledge that Barkley's return was the most highly-discussed moment coming out of Laugh Like Pee-wee and that it's clear that having Sir Charles in an SvR06 ring is best for ratings. With that in mind, Triple H conceived a match that was certain to be a financial blockbuster. Commissioner Barkley would step back through the ropes at Fist Fuck Yourself against the likes of Vigo the Carpathian and Brock Lesnar. When his opponents attempted to get the jump on him, Barkley was aided by none other than the 2015 Laugh Like Pee-wee winner The Rock. The Great One, pointing out that he has nothing to do between now and main eventing Diaz's Fuck Fest XI, said that he would gladly team up with the commissioner as long as it gave him an opportunity to get even with the "Tag Team Chumpians." While not how he'd likely envisioned it, Triple H couldn't deny that making this a Tornado Tag Team match with The Rock's inclusion was truly best for ratings. In a match overflowing with star power, will The Rock exact some revenge on the individuals who left him battered and broken late last year while protecting Commissioner Barkley in the process or will Lesnar and Vigo once again tear their opponents limb from limb? At Laugh Like Pee-wee, Mark Jindrak continued his quest for success when he toppled Nateflix in a Ladder match to capture the Intercontinental Championship. The victory was met with high praise from his peers. Unfortunately for the new champion, he didn't have the opportunity to celebrate for long. In the following days, Jindrak was subjected to a series of drug tests after an anonymous source circulated a story that claimed he had begun taking performance enhancers in the past year. As the controversy alone could hurt Jindrak's chances of keeping the title around his waist, it was suggested that he take some time off until everything blew over. However, Nateflix asserted that he was owed a rematch for the championship and suggested that he never technically lost it to begin with. Acting allegedly from a place of kindness, Nateflix proposed that the title be returned to him while Jindrak is away and that he could challenge him for it upon his return. With all of these suggestions coming from different directions, the title-holder insisted that he would fulfill his responsibilities as both the Intercontinental Champion and the Master of the Mark-Out Moment. The anonymous tipper is almost certainly acting out of malice in an attempt to sabotage Jindrak's reign in its infancy. But the determined fan favorite is looking nowhere but forward as he approaches his rematch with the shifty Nateflix. At Best For Ratings, Triple H controversially fired DEFAULT from SvR06. The youngest Wiley, along with the rest of his family, was not seen again until they returned as a unit at Dr. Meinheimer. Since the formation of this dangerous alliance, DEFAULT Wiley has been permitted to compete on a match-by-match basis rather than under a full-time contract. Under these circumstances, the fruit of Walter's loins is unable to compete for championships or other accolades. After the Wiley Family impressively defeated J-Pac and Dynamite Derek at Laugh Like Pee-wee, Triple H seemingly changed his mind about DEFAULT's ability as a competitor and considered resigning him to the active roster. Helmsley suggested that if the Fearsome Freak would be a team player for the right camp, he could almost certainly find himself as the World Heavyweight Champion once more. While being champion was the driving force that set off the chain of events leading to the unification of his family, DEFAULT couldn't bring himself to separate them for this reason. While perturbed, Triple H was persistent to establish a partnership with DEFAULT and offered him an ultimatum. He would face Kane Paul in a non-title match at Fist Fuck Yourself. If DEFAULT won, he would be reinstated to the active roster. If he lost, however, he would never compete in an SvR06 ring again. The Game is determined to get DEFAULT to play by his rules and, unfortunately for the young Wiley, the fate of his career seems far from being in his claws. Despite having the momentum of being voted the Breakout Star of 2014, Wrestler: Unstoppable only spent an underwhelming 50 seconds in this year's Laugh Like Pee-wee match. On the other hand, Reverend Drew had an outstanding outing in this year's 30-man battle. Tossing a total of six competitors over the top rope, including all-time elimination holder Big Show, the father of Drewdaism felt that he was unjustly ousted from the ring by The Rock. After being verbally dragged through the mud by Reverend Drew, Wrestler: Unstoppable looked to the Big Show as a mentor. The Secret Agent Man will defend his good name against the pesky preacher, looking to remedy the disappointment that was his Laugh Like Pee-wee appearance. Results With an Elimination Chamber match that would determine who The Rock would challenge in the most star-studded main event in Fest history, all eyes were on Fist Fuck Yourself. As if this championship contest wasn’t enough to give the SvR06 loyal goosebumps, it had been announced that this event would be host to the Return of the Phenom. On the final stop before Diaz’s Fuck Fest XI, what twists and turns would help shape the biggest show of all time? In the opening bout, Nateflix challenged Mark Jindrak in a rematch for the Intercontinental Championship. Nateflix tore apart the Academy of Motion Pictures for their choice of nominees, but promised to deliver an Oscar-worthy performance by regaining his championship tonight. Unfortunately for him, Jindrak came ready to fight. After weeks of clearing his name following being accused of using performance-enhancing drugs by an anonymous source, the newly-crowned Intercontinental Champion used Nateflix to blow off some steam. Thwarting the crass critic’s dirty tactics, Jindrak hit a massive Mark Out to retain his title. With Big Show in his corner, Wrestler: Unstoppable looked to get some momentum behind him heading into this year’s Fest. Reverend Drew, along with his acolyte Chance, had other ideas. The Irreverent Reverend never truly let the Secret Agent Man out of the starting blocks. Adding insult to injury, the church members taunted Big Show while Drew continued to wail away on his new protégé. Mercifully, Reverend Drew covered Unstoppable following the Eschaton. Big Show helped carry his fallen friend to the back, glaring the church leader as he did so. Looking to settle a score and protect the SvR06 commissioner, The Rock teamed up with Charles Barkley to square off against Brock Lesnar and Vigo the Carpathian in a Tornado Tag match. Valiantly, the Great One took the brunt of these bulls’ onslaught. Ultimately, one man simply wasn’t enough to fend off the ravenous carnivores. If Triple H had hoped that the result would be Charles Barkley left broken and The Rock’s main event chances in jeopardy when he made this match, there’s no doubt that he was proud of himself. In a match that would determine the fate of an entire career, DEFAULT Wiley faced off with United States Champion and CEO Kane Paul. If DEFAULT won, he would officially be reinstated. However, he was unsuccessful, he would never compete again. Early into the match, Kane almost looked as if he was willing to let DEFAULT win. But once again, the youngest Wiley remained loyal to his family and didn’t take the quick road to success offered to him by Upper Management. No longer taking it easy on him, Kane drove DEFAULT into the mat with a chokeslam. As he set up his opponent for another, the resilient DEFAULT countered and rolled up Paul for the victory. In taking the road less travelled, DEFAULT managed to regain his job while keeping his family intact. After much anticipation, the bell tolled for the Return of the Phenom. The lights dimmed as a distinct, eerie fog filled the arena. A familiar figure appeared in the entranceway. However, this was not the familiar figure anyone had anticipated. This was Chris Jericho, who had not been seen since quitting at Dr. Meinheimer. Y2J smugly grinned at the audience, taunting them for believing that their beloved Phenom was ever coming back. Jericho declared that there no longer was a Phenom, and that the Lord of Darkness they worshipped was dead. After fooling the world, Jericho took on his hand-picked opponent Count Out. After hitting Old School, the Ayatollah ejected Count Out from the ring to assume his countout victory. Before the count could conclude, the lights were drained from the arena. When they returned, so had someone else. The Undertaker stood behind Chris Jericho and, following a handful of rapid strikes, removed him from the ring. Jericho, alongside Count Out, headed out the door in undoubtable fear of the Deadman. Although it seemed like nothing more than a ploy initially, the Phenom truly returned in the end. The final match of the evening saw six of the best enter the Elimination Chamber to defend the World Heavyweight Championship against Laugh Like Pee-wee winner The Rock at Diaz’s Fuck Fest XI. Opening the match were new champion Macho Man and former champion Sheamus. Savage did his best to focus on the match at hand, despite periodically checking over his shoulder to see him Ben Unhinged was being released from his pod. After all others had entered, it finally came time for Ben to get his hands on Macho Man after the attack he endured last month. Try as he might, the champion rarely managed to evade the Unhinged One. With Sheamus, Dynamite Derek, and J-Pac eliminated, it was down to the two quarreling competitors and Ricardo Diaz. After brawling incessantly, Ben finally ended Macho Man’s freshly-established reign as champion with a deathgrip of a sleeperhold. Exhausted from ensuring Savage’s defeat, Ben was taken by surprise and covered by Ricardo Diaz to crown the new World Heavyweight Champion. With this victory, Diaz assured that he would once again main event Diaz’s Fuck Fest. More importantly, perhaps, the King of Coke’s year-long endeavor to obtain an opportunity at vengeance against The Rock for putting a fork in his Fest undefeated streak has come to fruition. As the biggest Fest in history begins to be molded, one thing is official. Ricardo Diaz and The Rock will face off in the biggest rematch of all time in the main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest XI with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line.